I'm going to talk to you about a very common problem a lot of guys

have today.

Did you know that a great many people learn bad behaviors and

develop bad beliefs as a result of their experiences growing up?

In this particular circumstance, I am referring to behaviors and

beliefs that involve social interaction with women, and our own

self-esteem.

Most of these beliefs and behaviors are unconsciously learned by us

and work counter to our goals of success.  Things like:

          * I'm too old, ugly, or fat, no girl would want me

          * I get too nervous to talk to women

          * I'm afraid of rejection

          * Whenever I talk to a girl, I say dumb things

          * I don't know what to do to get a woman into bed

The list goes on.  But all of the above are beliefs or behaviors

that HINDER us from getting what we want.  

In order to have success, we must change how we behave and think to

a more positive direction.

But how are we supposed to do that?  It's easy to SAY you have to

change, but to actually do it is FAR more difficult.

But it can be done.

A while back, I used to be PETRIFIED to approach a woman I didn't

know for the purpose of getting her phone number for a date.  

Ask any of my friends, they'll tell you -- I was a wreck!

I'd do anything to keep from approaching a girl.  But eventually, I

was able to break through that barrier and readjust my behavior so

that it became FUN and EASY to meet women.

In my book, The Art of Approaching, I lay out a "bootcamp" plan to

help train men to overcome their fear of approaching women (because

let's face it guys, if you don't approach a woman, they're never

going to talk to you.  That's the sad truth).  

This bootcamp was specifically designed to help you retrain

yourself to go from being scared of approaching women, to being

able to do it whenever you want.  But when you retrain yourself,

you can't just learn new behaviors and expect to change.

You have to UNLEARN what you had learned before.

But how do you unlearn a behavior?  Aren't those things ingrained

in your being?  The answer to that is a big, fat...

NO!!!

Behaviors are just learned responses to certain stimuli.  If you're

afraid to meet beautiful women, sometime in your life, you LEARNED

to associate fear with talking to a beautiful woman.

One way you can change your behavior is by adopting "Reciprocal

Behaviors."

Reciprocal behaviors are reactions that compete with each other. If

a reciprocal reaction can be evoked in a situation that usually

elicits a different response, the old reaction can be weakened. 

Learning occurs as the new response grows stronger and the old

response grows weaker.  

For example:  Relaxation is reciprocal to anxiety, assertiveness is

reciprocal to shyness, and positive thoughts are contradictory to

negative thoughts.  

These reciprocal reactions will weaken their less desirable

counterparts only if they can be evoked under conditions that would

normally elicit the old reactions.

For instance, let's say you go out and buy an eBook or course on

how to improve your love life.  You may read and approve of the

book while continuing to behave as you always have, with no real

change taking place.

A course or a book contains alternative sets of reactions. If these

reactions are not practiced in contexts where they can compete with

already established reactions, those established reactions will NOT

be displaced. 

In other words:  The real life application of what has been learned

will be lacking!

If you really want to change, you have to go out INTO the field and

apply the behaviors that you want to instill within you.  To do

this, you must engage in situations where the old feelings and

behaviors spring up.

Change is a step process.  You must first figure out what situation

evokes what negative behavior or feeling, then expose yourself to

varying degrees of that situation until you feel completely

comfortable with it.  

Then, advance to the next level until it, too, has been mastered

and, finally, to the situation that would normally evoke the most

powerful negative response.

For instance, let's say you can't ask a woman for her phone number

because you're just too scared.  What you can do is start by simply

making eye contact with women you find attractive.  After you're

comfortable with that, make eye contact and smile.  After that,

make eye contact, smile, and say "Hi."  After that, ask them what

their name is.  After that, add in an opener you memorized.  Keep

adding in behaviors until you master being able to get her phone

number.

The systematic aspect of his desensitization technique is critical

to your success. 

Sink-or-swim methods like "throwing you into the flames" that most

people abide by can be less successful and much more stressful.

Moreover, sink-or-swim methods may make the symptoms worse by

re-enforcing your negative beliefs.

However, it is not always practical for someone to be desensitized

by confronting real situations.

Real-life hierarchies can be inconvenient to arrange and difficult

to control. Fortunately, it is not always necessary for you to

confront real situations in order to change your behavior in these

situations.  

If you have a vivid imagination and respond to images of a

situation in the same way you respond to the situation itself, it's

possible for you to re-educate yourself at home or in the office.

It is still important, though, that you not imagine situations that

are too intense!  To do so would risk eliciting and reinforcing the

old reactions instead of practicing the new ones. 

Instead, a hierarchy of imaginary situations must be developed so

that the you can effectively evoke the beneficial reactions at each

level.  So in the example above, you imagine making eye contact

with ten women with positive responses, then imagine making eye

contact and smiling, etc.

What these exercises do is level the playing field.  They give you

Tabula Rasa (Latin for "blank slate") from which you can create

your own behavior and responses.

It's a long, hard task to undertake, but if you can do it, it can

be very rewarding.

If you know you need to change, but aren't quite sure how to go

about doing it, start by checking out my ebook The Art of

Approaching.  I went through the exact same thing you're going

through, and I share all my experiences in my book.  If you can

imagine what it would be like to completely drop every bad behavior

you have that's holding you back, and retrain yourself so that you

only experience one amazing success with women after another, then

you should definitely check out my ebook right now by clicking below:

The Art of Approaching

And if you REALLY want to supercharge your success with women,

be sure to take a look at my Advanced Course here:

Advanced Course

If I could do it, so can you!

Wishing you success with women,

Joseph Matthews

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